Puppy Love

Puppy Love

Your name, like a tattoo, is etched in the depths of my consciousness. I’m no match for the sparkle in your eyes, the disarming nature of your smile. Weapons down and my hands up, I wave a white flag. I surrender.

Why do I feel the way I do, about you? Constantly, incessantly? It all started out so calmly. I’m still trying to find out how I lost control of the situation.
You won this battle without even shooting a bullet. You made a mockery of my defences, took control of my mind, and plundered my heart. I never stood a chance.

I am out of depth, lost, disoriented. You guide my every thought and yet you’re the reason why I’ve gone astray. Is it fair? Is it reasonable? I’m trying my best to come to terms with my predicament, the one you unassumingly caused. Do you realize the damage you’ve inflicted upon me? Can you fathom it? Would you want to?

Your touch is infectious. Maliciously benign at first, so I let you in. Cruelly malignant afterwards, and I’m left contemplating the door you’ve closed behind you. I’m trapped. I’m submerged by thoughts and images of you. I want you to free me from my shackles, but you hold on to them imperiously, unrelentingly.

So is this what it feels like to lose control over one’s mind? I’d much rather have my body constrained than my spirit. I feel unhealthy, nauseated, I need to be cleansed. But of what? Of you? I’m not so sure. I can’t be too sure, truth be told. I’ve never felt this way before.

by Disi Awanen

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