Diary of a Healthy Junkie

Diary of a Healthy Junkie

“I’m not addicted or anything, It’s just that I can’t live without it, LITERALLY”


I wake up in his arms, 2:16 am, his perspiration glistening over my body. The knots in my belly that drove me 7 miles into the arms of an almost stranger was gone now and it had left enough room for the guilt that was just starting to build.
I shake him, hard. “I’m leaving”
His eyes squint open, he shields from the sickly florescent with his palms.

“I’m leaving”

His eyes are fully open now. Bloodshot. He draws out a long hiss, “leave then.”
I push off the bit of his weight that still rested on me. “Fuck you” I muttered loud enough to vent, low enough for him not to hear and maybe misinterpret that I cared enough to be angry. I did not care enough to be angry.

2:37 am: Large cheese fries, an even larger Shack Stack and AlmostStranger’s wallet, breakfast was on him. I run through his IDs and MasterCards airily.

November 14, 1995. He is a Scorpio, explains the negative energy.

Who names a child they love Colon, he’s lucky that’s just his middle name.
Bills. Bills. Bills. Oh no that’s the old 5 pounds, didn’t you get the memo, Colon, always behind on everything, like your fucking hairline, ok, that’s a lie, how can someone’s hairline be so bloody perfect.
* sigh * I have to start my cleanse in the morning, Kiwi, Greek yogurt…I really fucking hate Greek yogurt.

I always forced on a cleanse when I do something stupidly impulsive like binge eat Shake Shack or sleep with the guy my best friend has not shut up about for weeks.

No Shai, a food cleanse will not also cleanse your soul.

I slurp louder on my XL milkshake, it was really time to turn in, my muscles quaked. And I was starting to dream of a purple scented running bath, literally, I fought to keep my eyes open. I empty my tray then empty the contents of the bulging wallet on the cashier counter, the boy behind the desk grins inquisitively, he looked just as tired as I felt “You should get a tip jar”
He mumbles something I did not care to decipher but I’m halfway through the door, the freezing mid-January air hit me and the pain in my shoulder jerked harder. My heart drummed with fear, I could not fall here. Not now. I punched furiously for an Uber, I knew I could not drive home, not like this. While I waited, I whispered for forgiveness. This fucking sickness was starting to feel like penance.

11:11 am: I had not budged from the fifteen alarm rings that blared from my iPhone but the rapping knocks coming from my door bolted me awake. Anxiety cripples me as I try to make out the silhouette behind the translucent glass, it had to be Maria, she was the only one that would show up at my door, semi-early morning, unannounced. What feels like low-rate flashbacks of the night before course through my head and torment me, and my shoulder cramps was now also knee cramps and hip cramps. Maybe I could face her when I was strong enough to wield a convincing excuse for where I was last night.

“Wake your lazy ass up” her voice pierces through the room, I struggle to my feet, for the sake of my own peace of mind, I knew she wouldn’t leave till I opened the door.

I creak the door open, she is beaming, she pushes past me and into the kitchen portion of my studio “Guess what?”
“What?” I snatch away my cookie dough ice cream jar from her hands.
She rolls her eyes exaggeratedly “Un-un, you have to guess”
My shoulders throbbed, I sighed impatiently “Tell me”
“See, this is why you should pick your calls, I have been calling you”
So she did come announced, sort of.
“I do-“ I let out a reflex moan, the jeering pain on my shoulder was now a confident 9
Maria rushed to me, “What is it? is it-“
I nodded,
“should I call 111?”
“No” I groaned “Bring the cookie dough”
She rushes to the kitchen counter flustered, eagerly emptying out the contents of the jar, she hastily rolls out a bag with type faced letters “cannabis, take as needed” written over it. She grinds, licks, seals the joint tight just as quickly “is one enough?”
I struggle an answer “For now”

2:16 pm: Maria has to have the loudest laugh in the world, I imagine she would make the neighbors call the cops on us for noise and disturbance. I stifled my laughter, I am legitimately prescribed weed but I was still scared of getting busted.
“What are you laughing at?”
The purple scented bath Maria had run for me was beyond soothing, guilt came knocking again.
“Nothing, what were you asking me to guess for when you came in?”
“What?” She looked genuinely taken aback, she dazed for what seemed like an eternity, then she was back to earth again “oh Ade!”
“Ade, my Ade”
Oh Colon
“Oh, what’s up with him?” I can’t meet her eyes.
“He finally asked me out on a date”
I was sure my ribcage was not strong enough to house the thumping of my heart. “When?”
Her grin stretched as wide as the bed of lies I was swimming in. “Well… last night, where the hell were you anyway?”


9:07 am: I still make the meanest fruit cleansing juice thing, yes, regardless of the Greek yoghurt.

1:48 pm: My iPhone is blaring from under a pile of something, I rummage through my dressing table, it’s series of texts from Maria a.k.a “LOML * heart eyes *”
“What are you doing tonight?” “Ade is bringing his friend, trying to make it a double date!!!” “Before you say anything just take one for the team” “Pleaseee!” “Thank youuuu!”.

Well shit.

– Seyi Adeoye

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