Act 1

Act 1

 

In my darkest moments,

When my lights are off and my eyes shut

I am the director of my own movie – in which only one scene plays over and over again. 

Each time;

I wear a different outfit, each one more sophisticated than the one before, a little revealing so you know what you’re missing but not enough to distract you. 

A different hairstyle, definitely not tied up like how you preferred it. 

A more desirable body, smaller waist, bigger butt

The same attitude that seemed to drive you crazy

The same smile you know you fell in love with 

My laugh, that I know would make your heart stop if you ever heard it again. 

I thought of the things I would say to you 

I haven’t quite covered that part yet (this scene is yet to be perfected) 

Sometimes I imagine a slap or two before my lips part ways to release the feelings I held on to for so long. 

Sometimes I contemplate hugging you and staying in your arms for just a minute longer. I won’t bother taking in your scent because I bought a bottle of your cologne when you left, just as a reminder. 

I imagine saying a quick hello but I do not trust my tongue enough to stop at “hello” without letting a “fuck you” or  “I hate you” or an “I miss you so much”  roll off of it. 

So I settle with looking you straight in the eye, smiling and walking away. 

Yes. I’ve rehearsed this scene enough times to be prepared so that when next I see you, i am strong enough to not crawl back into your arms. 

 

And cut. 

****

I hear someone call my name and today is not my best day. I look around and I can’t seem to recognize anyone. I don’t bother taking out my glasses just to be sure. I’m in too much of a hurry to fumble around in my bag for it. Whatever. It’s probably just me hearing things again. I’m about to get on the queue to board my flight. I look up.

 It’s him. “hey you, long time” he says. 

 

“I never stopped thinking about you” 

 

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